“You play the game. You learn your lines of dialogue. You know how people want you to answer. You lie. Eventually you do it unconsciously.” – Jenny Isaksson (played by Liv Ullmann) in Ingmar Bergman’s Face to Face

I was watching Face to Face, directed by Ingmar Bergman and starring one of my favorite actresses of all time, Liv Ullmann, and this quote in particular resonated with me. I know I’m not old (I’m in my late twenties), but the moment I graduated college, there was this sense of dread, knowing that the rest of my life, barring any crazy scenario where I come into a large amount of money, was going to be relatively devoid of spontaneity. Forty hours of work every week. Gym several times a week. Weekly grocery shopping. The same conversations with the same people. 

I’ve been taking online Spanish lessons recently where I converse with a teacher for an hour (with my limited vocabulary), and I get a little bit embarrassed when I end up just talking about the same schedule I had every week prior. I meal prep. I go to the gym. I work my job. I play pickleball with my friends. Sometimes I wonder if I should just make things up so the teacher can teach me some new vocabulary.

It’s tough to find time to do things amidst a busy schedule, but I’ve tried to make an effort to switch up my weekly routines so it doesn’t feel like all of the days start the blend into each other. I’ve been to independent theaters in my area to watch movies I haven’t seen before. I try to listen to new albums as I walk around my neighborhood, and I try to take a different path each time to see if there’s a new spot that I haven’t discovered yet. 

I know I could try and pursue more hobbies to make the week more fun, but hobbies also take time and money, and I also really value my rest time as well. I just feel a little bit frustrated that I’m exerting so much energy into my life, but things aren’t “happening” the way I want them to. I’d like to travel the world more, and meet more people and make more meaningful connections. I’m constantly being harassed by the feeling that I haven’t experienced enough of the world yet and I need to discover it more before I get old. 

My life isn’t terrible. I have a great group of friends that I hang out with, and I do have a lot on my plate, but I always wonder if I could be doing something more, experiencing something new, finding out more about myself that I didn’t know. 

What are some things in your life that you try and do to bring some spontaneity into your everyday routine?