*A new segment on my blog where I try to practice writing some dialogue.

@: “I was walking in the park after work today and I saw this grandma, I think she was like 80 years old, and she was walking around completely hunched over. Like, she couldn’t stand up straight and couldn’t walk very fast. But you know what the crazy thing was?”

#: “What?” 

@: “She was dressed so well. I mean, she was wearing this really fancy navy blue skirt suit, and she was also carrying this really expensive looking bag. 

#: “Damn, grandma got money.”

@: *laughs* “Yeah, I know right? But I wanna know how the hell she put everything on in the first place. I mean, imagine trying to put your shirt on while you’re completely hunched over. 

#: “Maybe she has someone do it for her. If she has money she probably has people that help her around the house, do her laundry, clean everything. Maybe they even wipe her ass after she goes to the bathroom.”

@: “Yeah. And I’m guessing she doesn’t work anymore.”

#: “I would love to work for someone like that.”

@: “Really?”

#: “Yeah. Haven’t you seen those stories about people who work for people who are really rich, and when they die they like, leave their fortunes to their housekeepers and stuff?”

@: “I mean, yeah, I guess that would be nice, but what if the people you work for are bad people? Would you be able to handle working for them all those years hoping that they give you their fortune when they pass away? What if you work for them for fifty years and all of a sudden there’s like a random relative or sugar baby that comes into their life, and they decide to leave everything to them?”

#: “I guess since it’s a made-up scenario I would try and secretly kill the random relative or sugar daddy by slipping poison into their food, and then when I inevitably get caught after the autopsy results reveal they were poisoned, I would come out and say that I faced a lot of hardships working for this terrible family and I just wanted to get my revenge after all those years to gain sympathy from the public. And then when I get to jail everyone would be like ‘Free him! He did nothing wrong!’, and then I would get a documentary made about me by Netflix when I get out of jail, so basically I’d be famous.”

@: “Damn, dude.”

#: “Obviously, in real life, I’m too smart and cool to ever be in a situation like that, so I wouldn’t even have to think about it.”

@: “Yeah, you’re so smart and so cool that you’re stuck in a job you hate with a boss that makes you work after hours all the time with no real reward.”

#: “Okay, I didn’t know you were a hater like that, bro.”

@: “Just trying to keep you humble.”

#: “Sureeee, dude. What about you? Would you ever work for someone like that?”

@: “I mean if I had to, I guess, but I don’t think I could do it…Well actually, I don’t know, I guess it depends. If the person was nice, maybe. If not, I don’t think it would be worth it. Like that grandma today. I couldn’t imagine helping her get dressed if she was an asshole. But if she was a nice person, I guess I would work for her and do my best to help her out. If I got paid enough.”

#: “Do you think she was a mean person?”

@: “Who?”

#: “That grandma you saw today.”

@: “I don’t know. I thought about that actually. Like if she was nice she probably would’ve had someone to help her out, so maybe her being alone was a result of her being a bad person. But I also thought maybe it might mean that the people around her are bad people for not wanting to take care of an old lady.”

#: “Yeah, I guess it could be either way.”

@: “Well I hope she eventually got where she needed to go.”

#: “I’m sure she made it to tea and crumpets on time.”