Every Sunday, the screen time notification is always there to remind me that I am not special, and that I’m more addicted to my phone than I’d like to believe. I always tell myself that I have to spend a lot of time on social media because I work in social media (I’m a copywriter that has written for brands on social media), but I know that’s not the truth. One funny video turns into an hour long deep dive into the perfect cream cheese pumpkin muffin for fall, and all of a sudden, the clock reads 11:45pm, and I have to force myself to put the phone down and go to sleep.

I always tell myself, “Maybe tomorrow, I’ll actually get around to reading that book I’ve been meaning to read,” and the same thing happens again the next day. There have been so many times where I’ve checked out a book from the library, only to not read it for the three weeks I have it, which means I have to check it out again from the library when I could’ve just finished it the first time.

It’s just hard not to check my phone. It feels lame to actually write that out but it’s true. Social media is how I get my world news and pop culture updates. It’s how I learn about new recipes to try on the weekends when I cook something different from my typical meal prep. It’s how I find out about random events to attend near me, and how I see first-hand reviews of restaurants I want to go to, or products I want to buy.

I just wish there was an easy way to do all that without being sucked into the vortex of content available online. I definitely feel better and have better focus when I’m not staring at my phone screen all day, but I also really do like just scrolling on TikTok and seeing other people talk about my favorite things. 

Say, for example, I watched Akira, the dystopian animated masterpiece released in 1988, last weekend in a movie theater for the first time. I don’t have anyone to talk about the movie with in my immediate social circle. Even if they have watched it before, it’s not like I can text my group of friends and just say “Hey, anyone want to talk about Akira?” It’s just convenient to log onto TikTok, Letterboxd, or Instagram and see what other people have to say about the movie right after I finish watching it, instead of waiting for an opportunity to talk about it in the wild, which will probably never happen. 

I have to admit, I do feel a lot better when I’m not constantly staring at my phone throughout the day. My head hurts a little bit less, and I feel more present in general, but it’s also just fun to be on my phone sometimes—until I start scrolling for the sake of scrolling, and I can feel myself getting numb to whatever content I’m looking at, which happens a lot now that I think about it…

You know what? Maybe that damn phone really is the problem.